wartortles:

*holding phone in hand* where the fuck is my phone

(Source: landorus, via hi)

sadeon:

if your girlfriend is cold, be a gentleman. put her in the oven for 40 minutes on 350. check often and serve plain or with white gravy

(Source: portablemiah, via heliolisk)

timeywimeyhobbit:

tfios-changed-my-life:

"Augustus is soooo pretentious!!!"

Ohmygod, no way?? It’s almost as if that’s exactly what John Green intended.

"Augustus Waters talked so much that he’d interrupt you at his own funeral. And he was pretentious: Sweet Jesus Christ, that kid never took a piss without pondering the abundant metaphorical resonances of human waste production."

(via hellomynameisearth)

  • parents: honey, it's time for the sex talk
  • me: what do you wanna know

marginalising:

NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT A GOD DAMN RELATIONSHIP AND LOSING WEIGHT AND BEING BEAUTIFUL FOR GODS SAKE GO OUTSIDE AND ROB A STORE AND FEEL ALIVE AS YOU RUN AWAY FROM SECURITY

(Source: jdandachi, via pizza)